PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
