Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
