I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
