did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just threw up on my dentist
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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