guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
