Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
