At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
