dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
