i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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