I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
