Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
