In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
