I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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