i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
