So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
