I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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