you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize