Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
