I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
