I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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