mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize