So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
