I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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