just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
