i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
