I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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