I accidentally burped into my bong.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
