where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
