I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
