Sry I called you an 8
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I wear drunk well.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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