Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
