At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
