When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
