I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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