thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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