Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
