How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
