At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
