i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
