So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize