i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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