i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
