I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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