Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
