I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
