They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
