I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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