Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
