i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
