those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize