Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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