In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
