I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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