I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
