did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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