Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
