I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
