Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
