but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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