Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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