I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
