"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We need to get me chipped asap
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
