I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
