things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
