I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
