Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
