It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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