2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
