then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
