Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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